At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
