am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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