and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
