Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
