Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
