Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
