She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
