u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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