My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
