I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
