Kiss
Puke
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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