I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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