I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
