I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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