I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
In America we eat man semen.
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
