I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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