I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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