I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
