ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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