I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
