So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
