If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
