Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
