Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
