so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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