I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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