you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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