She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
