Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
