When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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