party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
