Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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