thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
These tits shall not be calmed
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
