I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
