Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
