My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
