glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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