I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
love makes seman taste better
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
