Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
