Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
