dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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