I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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