Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Found the puke drawer
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
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