ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
