Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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