All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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