He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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