A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
