____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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