im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
