I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
she smelled like a LAN party
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
