i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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