I wish my penis had an off switch
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
