I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Randomize
